Journal Entry: Feb 18, 2016 (PMDDuh!)

Journal Entry: Feb 18, 2016 (PMDDuh!)

Journal Entry: Feb 18, 2016 (PMDDuh!)

Brushed Teeth: Yes
Walked: Yes, 50 min 2.69 miles
Healthy Breakfast: Yes
Shower: Yes (but, not immediately)
Mood: Blah and then content and focused

So I got up whenever today because my daughter didn’t have school again. I got to the gym and the maintenance guy who I say hi to every morning walked up to me, looked at me and then his watch and asked, “What’d you sleep in today?” I felt pretty good about that. I’m a regular at the gym. Take that scale! I worked extra hard today because of my poor eating yesterday. I usually do 10 minutes on the bike as a warm up I did 15 minutes at a faster pace this morning. I usually do 3 sets of my strength training exercises, today I did 4 sets. I did my 50 minutes on the treadmill a bit faster than usual too.

I got home from the gym and ate my healthy breakfast halfheartedly. Still feeling awful blah. I decided to start catching up on overdue blog posts. I wrote to my therapist, who I had to cancel on this week, about my depression and how bad it has been this last week. I just didn’t really want to do anything and then it hit me after I started spotting. I have PMDD! That is what this past week has been. It’s always the week before my period. I just completely forgot about it. Remember how when I remembered last month that I have PMDD I said I started tracking stuff…well I said that in a sort of I totally intend to sort of way. I never did and it bit me right in the ass this week. As soon as I realized it I took the extra Paxil my psychiatrist prescribed for this very reason and things started getting better either due to the Paxil or due to PMDD wearing off because my period was beginning either/or the blah cloud has lifted.

Tonight I took a hot yoga class called Reiki Yoga (again trying to undo the crazy eating I did yesterday). I didn’t know what I expected from it but, I love reiki and yoga so I thought it would probably be pretty good. It was a lot more yoga than reiki which is fine, I guess I was just expecting more reiki. Not sure how you’d implement that to a full class but, still. All that was reiki about it was the instructor describing the chakras and asking us to visualize them at the beginning and end of class. She also said that she was a practitioner and would be sending positive energy through the whole class. Basically it was a hot yoga class and it was hard for me. I did all of the moves but, a couple that she repeated multiple times I sat out the last go or two.

Do any of you suffer from a condition like PMDD or SAD or another occasional illness? Do you ever forget about it like I did and just think your depression is worsening? I’d love to hear from you. I hope this post finds you well or on your way to wellness.

 

Journal Entry: Feb 12, 2016 (Fiscally Responsible)

Journal Entry: Feb 12, 2016 (Fiscally Responsible)

Journal Entry: Feb 12, 2016 (Fiscally Responsible)

Brushed Teeth: Yes
Walked: Yes 44 min 2.24 miles
Healthy Breakfast: Yes
Shower: Yes
No Dunks or Starbucks: Yes though I was tempted
Mood: OK for most of the day then it got dark and I got blah

So it was another winning day for me and I got a mani/pedi to celebrate all of my accomplishments which I think is only right. I’ve been very good. I may not have beaten my depressed mood back yet but, I’ve conquered stopped falling victim to my worst symptoms. I’m taking care of myself while depressed. It’s a miracle. I also got to see my nephews today. I decided maybe to help me with my mood I should get out more so I went to my Sister’s house to play with my nephews and then watch Scandal once they fell asleep. The visit definitely made me happy but, it was short lived. I started feeling the dread as I was leaving her house partly due to anxiety over whether I’d be able to get my morning routine done because it was a little late when I left. I did my free writing homework but, this time the 5 minutes which felt like 5 seconds the first time, felt like 5o minutes. I think the key is to do it midday instead.

So onto the topic of this post, I was fiscally responsible this week after thinking irresponsibly. I bought my desk and chair for like $100 and it is definitely worth it I think but, after I got that set up I replaced our bedroom lamps (also a good move) but, then I decided I wanted space to do yoga and so I wanted a TV in my room. I told my boyfriend and he was all for it, let’s get a 50″ for the living room and move the 43″ to the bedroom. I started doing research and then when we were going to go to Best Buy I said, “this is crazy, I’m out of work, we should NOT be buying a TV.” He agreed and that was the end of that but, still I almost spent $500 on a luxury while only earning 75% pay on Long Term Disability. That was scary when I realized how foolish an idea that was. If I want to do yoga I can use my laptop to watch my favorite YouTube Yogi Adriene.

So yay me! I caught myself before making a silly purchase. I don’t know if it was hypomania per say because I haven’t really felt hypomanic. My hypomania is not just buy, buy, buy! There are a lot of symptoms that go with it. I think it was more just a somewhat normal “Fixing up a room? Go big or go home!” mentality. It’s easy to get carried away I think. Have you caught yourself before doing something impulsive and possibly reckless and did it make you feel proud that you caught yourself or worried that you almost did it? I’d love to hear from you. I hope this post finds you well or on your way to wellness.