Mothers, Daughters, and Mental Illness

Mothers, Daughters, and Mental Illness

Mothers, Daughters, and Mental Illness

My daughter (20 years old) and I had a bit of a screaming match this morning, well she screamed at me anyways. My son (18 years old) had just gotten his license and I told her that she really needed her license too so she would be driving herself to school every day. She growled a little about how anxious driving makes her. I then brought up the fact that she is willing to take medicine for ADD (which changed her life) but, is unwilling to take something for anxiety (which is a far more pressing issue for her). Her response was that she was scared of taking too many medications. I explained that I was referring to something like Paxil which will help with her depression but, also has an anti-anxiety component, rather than something like Xanax which is more of a heat of the moment sort of drug. She has an appointment this Friday with her psychiatrist and I recommended she talk to her about it. She got very angry and said, “no, I’ll deal with it on my own.” I asked how. She didn’t respond. I offered to buy her a book on how to overcome anxiety. I started searching Amazon and reading out titles to her and she got even more angry.

I know I was sort of nagging but, I was completely calm the whole time. I’m just really worried about her. I said, “How are you going to deal with it if you won’t do therapy or take medication? I am trying to help you deal with it on your own if that’s what you really want by buying you a book.” She then went off about therapists and how they are all condescending. I asked her why she walked out of her last appointment 10 minutes in and she said that Doreen (who is my therapist too) made her angry because she was being condescending. Now Doreen is about the sweetest, best, therapist out there. She does dish out straightforward talk and maybe she was saying something Taylor didn’t want to hear but, I don’t think she intended to be condescending. Basically anything I said made her more angry to the point of screaming and crying and we get along great, we just cannot talk about mental illness which is the thing we most have in common.

Unfortunately thanks to genealogy she inherited the same issues I inherited from my Dad; ADD and Bipolar (not diagnosed yet because she won’t see her therapist but, we discussed it once and agreed that she seems to have it). She also has crushing anxiety and paranoia. We are so very alike but, she can’t see that yet. Every time I try to help her with her mental illnesses it turns into a screaming match. She thinks I have no idea what I’m talking about. I just don’t know how to talk to her about it. I don’t think I can. I think anything I say is going to be taken as an insult or a slight of some sort even though that is in no way my intent. I’m not trying to force her to face her trauma yet since she is clearly not ready. I’m not trying to force her to take meds if she doesn’t want to. I’m not even going to force her to see a therapist, even though I think it is incredibly helpful. I just want to know what her plan is and I want to help in any way that I can but, she just can’t see that. How do I talk to her? How do I help her? Those aren’t rhetorical questions, I’ll take any suggestions. Have you had similar issues with your children? Did you find a way to talk to them about it without it turning into a fight? I think I might ask my Sister to talk to her because I think she gets upset with me just because I’m Mom. I would love to hear from anyone who has experience with a young adult or teenager who is refusing therapy or medication for an overwhelming condition. I hope this post finds you well or on your way to wellness.

Journal Entry: Feb 6, 2016 (New Habits)

Journal Entry: Feb 6, 2016 (New Habits)

Journal Entry: Feb 6, 2016 (New Habits)

Brushed Teeth: Yes
Walked: Yes, 38 min 1.92 miles
Healthy Breakfast: Yes
Shower: Yes
No Dunks or Starbucks: Yes
Mood: Content and productive and then filled with dread

I have decided to add a couple of habits. I have been showering more frequently lately because I get stinky after working out but, I wait until I think others can smell me. I’ll go to the gym and as I’m stretching all I can think is can someone else smell that? It kind of grosses me out and I worry I’m bothering other gym goers so I’ve decided I need to shower after every workout. I also on the spur of the moment, while at Dunkin Donuts buying my kids breakfast, decided I’m quitting Dunks and Starbucks. Lattes are one of my vices. I am literally addicted to them. So I’m trying to cut them and the donuts, cake pops, lemon pound cake out of my diet cold turkey. If I am going to really try to lose weight I need to take a step toward fixing my diet. That’s a big step for me. Next up healthy lunch and healthy dinner. I’m trying to cut liquid calories on the whole but, not entirely, I’ll still have a cup of coffee if we go out for breakfast which is now limited to weekly. We used to go two – three times a week. Now I eat a healthy breakfast every morning except for Saturday or Sunday when we got to breakfast. I’d like to cut it back to every other week or monthly but, one thing at a time. Yes I’m adding two habits at a time right now but, only one takes effort, the other is just avoiding my vice.

Today was going great, dropped the kids off for their 4 hour pre road test driving lesson and went to Target to buy lamps for my bedroom (walking by the Starbucks was hard but, I did it), we were way¬†overdue for new lamps, we had one of my old bedroom lamps which had a broken shade and one old lamp from my boyfriend’s parents that had no shade. I cleaned the nightstands and set up the lamps and the bedroom is just looking better and better. I even bought a lamp for my desk which I need for non laptop tasks. I can color up here or write. I’m just happy with the new set up.

So everything was going pretty good and then I got a text from my daughter. She said, “The instructor doesn’t think we should take the road test tomorrow, we haven’t driven enough.” That hit me like a ton of bricks. The mother’s guilt was overflowing. I have been sick and depressed and I haven’t taken them driving in ages. I haven’t really asked my boyfriend to take them driving either. Of course they aren’t ready I thought, I suck. I just took a nap because I couldn’t deal with how shitty I felt. Turns out after the driving lesson was over the instructor changed his tune, he said my son had a 90% chance of passing the test so he should take it but, my daughter is still too anxious. So I still felt awful but, maybe less awful. My son was always more comfortable behind the wheel and he tests well, he got a scholarship for doing so well on the MCAS. So maybe we’ll have one more licensed driver in the house as of Sunday. I was still so nervous though because I’d failed him, if he¬†didn’t get his license I would be the only one to blame. I just went to bed very early, like 4pm or something because I couldn’t deal.

Do any of you ever feel like your disorder(s) really hurt(s) your kids? I mean not physically; my kids have food, clothes, shelter, whatever they need, but, in some areas I just suck, like with the driving, I should have been making them drive every time we were in the car together. I should have scheduled time to teach them. Did you or do you have similar struggles? I would love to hear from you. I hope this post finds you well or on your way to wellness.

Journal Entry: Jan 17, 2016 (Mail Sorted, Now What? Also Daughter Stuff)

Journal Entry: Jan 17, 2016 (Mail Sorted, Now What? Also Daughter Stuff)

journalentry 011716

I almost forgot to brush my teeth this morning, and I was getting cocky yesterday, it only took me 15 seconds to realize I’d left the bathroom without doing so but, still I guess it isn’t as second nature as I’d like yet. I still think I’ll add walking to it on Monday. I like starting things on Mondays. I don’t know how far I can walk without tiring myself out. I want to take it easy at first and build up so I think I’ll just walk around my cul-de-sac to begin with. Boring but, a loop is better to start with I’d hate to get a mile away and then suddenly be completely pooped. I’m excited. I’d like to walk outside because I think getting out of the house into the fresh air will do me some good. I also have lunch plans tomorrow which I’m both excited and nervous about. I haven’t seen this coworker since she left the company we both worked for. I miss her but, as always I worry I’ll say something stupid or overshare and make it seem like I don’t care about her life. Social anxiety sucks. Read more