Brushed Teeth: Yes
Walked: Yes, 40 min 2.03 miles
Healthy Breakfast: Not really, went out for breakfast
No Dunks or Starbucks: Yes
Mood: Excited and proud and then blah and dreadful
So I guess it’s only day two but, still I’ve not had anything from Dunks or Starbucks for two days. That is like a record for me. I did have coffee with cream and sugar for breakfast but, no other liquid calories throughout the day, just water, green tea, and coconut seltzer. I ate pretty well too other than breakfast where I got apple pie french toast. It was a good day. We had to go out to breakfast because well we just love breakfast and because we had to celebrate, my son got his license! I know this was spoiled in yesterday’s posts about Mothers, Daughters, and Mental Illness but, still it bears repeating.
I had my boyfriend take him to his road test because I was afraid my nervous energy might rub off on him. Plus I didn’t want to interrupt my routine. We needed to leave at the same time as the gym opened. I needed to get my workout in after brushing my teeth. I did get a good upper body workout in and I increased my walk to 40 minutes. I also bought some stuff including a book for my daughter and myself about overcoming anxiety. I hope she’ll read it. It was a rough morning because of that fight which is detailed in this post: Mothers, Daughters, and Mental Illness. I was so excited for my son and so worried about my daughter. She’s 20 and I want her to have a car and a job but, she is still adamant that she’ll always be anxious about driving. It’s like she doesn’t even want to try to not be anxious because if she can get over her anxiety she’ll prove me right. It’s so hard.
We had the talk with the kids about how we’d front them the money for their first cars once they got jobs (well and a license in my daughter’s case). They seemed on board. I think my son will have a job by next week. He’s very motivated and needs a car for college. My daughter is supposed to be driving herself to school from now on to get practice in, with me in the passenger seat of course, but she says I make her nervous so let’s see how well that works.
I got a lot of laundry done and then about 4pm I fell asleep. I hate being exhausted so early in the day. I wish I could stay up and be productive all day. I woke up from this nap at 10pm had a decent dinner and took my evening meds and then went back to bed. I have two reasons for the fatigue, I have clots in my lungs and legs and I am severely depressed. I should cut myself some slack because I am doing things I could never do when depressed in the past, showering, brushing my teeth, eating normally. I am so grateful that these symptoms are lessening so much because they are my most embarrassing and troublesome symptoms but, my mood and my energy level is still that of someone in severe depression. It’s difficult. Hopefully the med change I talked about Friday will help. I’m thinking I need a new med entirely rather than just an increased dosage though.
Have you ever been half depressed like I am now? That’s what it feels like. I’m half depressed. I can do all the things I want/need to do which is completely atypical of depressed me but, I’m still feeling exhausted and the dread is creeping in all the time. I’d love to hear from you! I hope this post finds you well or on your way to wellness.