I’m writing this on my phone because my laptop is in my bedroom and my boyfriend is asleep in there. If you follow me on Twitter @realismbites you probably already know that I am starting partial hospitalization today, well the eval is today anyway. I am/was very optimistic about this. Then my depressed negative brain got to me. Making me think, “this is my last resort, what if it doesn’t help?”
I know logically stressing about what ifs is foolish but it didn’t stop the terrible panic attack from coming. So bad that two Xanax, my gold standard anxiety relief pill, couldn’t help me to breathe. I ended up having to sleep it off which isn’t easy to do with palpitations and trouble breathing. I spoke with my boyfriend, a friend, and my Sisters about it and they all agreed; it could work, don’t worry about what ifs, and this couldn’t be the last resort.
It should have calmed me down logically I knew they were right but the panic still bugged me as I tried to get to sleep. The moment finally came, I made it to la la land and woke up a few hours later feeling much better. I’m not sure why my Xanax didn’t help, maybe because the panic attack started in Target and I didn’t take it until it was in full swing 20 minutes later. I really need to keep some in my purse.
Either way I am feeling a bit more positive this morning. I just finished breakfast and I’m going to be leaving soon to learn all about the program. From what I understand they tweak your meds to find the right mix for you, there is a lot of group therapy, individual therapy, and worksheets/activity. I’m bad at doing homework for my mental health but having to finish in that setting I can handle.
Wish me luck. I’ll write more later to let you all know how the evaluation went.
Have you ever been in a partial hospitalization program? Did it work for you? Please let me know in the comments. I hope this post finds you well or on your way to wellness.