So I got there and had to fill out a ton of paperwork, of course, then I met with my clinician. She was very nice and understanding. We went over my history, both mental and medical. I told her about all the trauma I’ve been through, I told her I’ve been having increased panic attacks and sleeping all day. I told her about my low self esteem and my negative self talk. I did not however tell her about my issues with hygiene which is my most troubling issue.
I also told her about something I haven’t talked about here. Something I’m not entirely proud of. I was in a mental hospital before ages ago because I was hallucinating. I was only there for a night and then I did partial hospitalization for a day and then stopped. The reason I am not proud of this is, I was not hallucinating, I was hypomanic and decided I wanted to write a book about mental health but had never been in a hospital so how could I? I needed to experience it. I took up a bed for no reason. I feel terrible about it now but in the moment it made perfect sense. I hope anyone who has needed a bed and had trouble getting one can forgive me.
Other than me talking about my medication, history, symptoms, family, etc. she told me about the program. There is to be no drinking or drug use during the length of the program, even at night. That won’t be a problem for me thankfully. She asked for emergency contacts and if I get agressive I said no I can get irritable and even angry but I’ve never been violent in any way.
She then showed me the schedule of groups which I am very excited for. Tomorrow is my first day and there is a self esteem group and a distress tolerance group that I’m really looking forward to. Monday is managing mood disorders and health and wellness. Tuesday I’m interested in emotion regulation and mindfulness. Wednesday doesn’t seem to apply to me too much other than the processing emotions group. Thursday there are managing anxiety and stress, interpersonal effectiveness (could be interesting?), and stinkin’ thinkin’ which is all about quitting the negative self talk.
I’m excited for so many of these groups and to see the psychiatrist to work on my meds. They are not working, something’s got to give. My regular therapist went through all my med notes and noticed that my depression started in July which was when I got sick but it was also when I switched to Welbutrin. Maybe Welbutrin just isn’t for me. I’d love to get off it and see if I feel better (with Doctor’s orders of course).
Last but not least we set up a family appt for me and my boyfriend. It’ll be psychoeducation for him and also how he can help when I am just starting to get depressed and don’t know it yet and how he can help when I’m in such a major depressive episode.
I’m still a little anxious but I’m also very excited. I think this will really help. I hope this post finds you well or on your way to wellness.